Random thoughts on Don's Johns!

Now that my grad school career is done and over with, I find my myself with random thoughts on random things on random days. Actually, not random days. Every single day.  The way that my mind works is much like a pinball in a machine.  It moves fast and when hit with the proper force, it will head in a totally different direction quickly.   Call it A.D.D., call it scatterbrained or call it genius (Spit your Whatever it is, that's how it works.  When i started this blog, I had a gazillion ideas and topics and still do.  The problem I encountered was time and the lack of it.  I would see things, think about them and then try to write a standard blog about them but would watch the clock.  Then i remembered that when blogging, there are no rules.  One can write about earthquakes or one can say two words on the state of  Idaho.  That being said, here are some quick hitters I pondered recently... 

1.  Just admit it.  You have never heard of the band.  
I used to do this when I was younger.  We all did...then.  However, it's alive and well in my adulthood. Cringeworthy when I hear a conversation like this.  Own it people. Just own the unknown.  It's ok.  I don't know the hidden track on Britney Spears fourth album.  There.  I admitted it. Guilty as charged.  Please read the convo example below taking place in a car with radio on.

Harry- "LoI love music.  Especially underground music.  Ever heard of  "Mamma's BigBunionBand?"
Sack- "Uhhh..yeah.  Yeah.  They are really good"
Harry-  "Oh?  They are good.  Hard to believe they are from Iceland huh?"
Sack-  "haha. Yeah.  Hard to believe!   I loved their second album"
Harry-  "Huh?  They just came out with first record yesterday"
Sack-  "Oh.  Well I meant their second album will be good!" 


2.  Fast food Drive throughs
-  It's for convenience and saving time.  It's not the line you get in to order a medium rare burger with a slightly toasted bun with only one tomato, no onions and your ketchup on the side.  Lest we forget the lemon wedge garnish.  It's designed for #1,#2, #3 and a coke.  Super sizing is your only choice.  By the time you hit the speaker, you should know what you want.   And multiple orders for 12 people each requiring a receipt?   Get your a** out of the car and go inside.

3.  Age is just a number. 
It really is people.  It's just a number for years we've been alive.  I don't think it's a marker of ability, talent, ambition or more importantly limitations.   And in the affairs of love, does age matter?   If a girl is 18 and he's 46, probably yes.  If she's 23 and he's 37?   Who cares?   My point?  Live your life, chase your dreams and eat ice cream off a body part of your gf/bf.   Don't let anyone tell you that you are too old or young to do things.  Diapers fit all ages.  

4.  Facebook isn't that serious.
-I post on facebook for comedy.  I admit it.  I put stuff on there for my entertainment and possibly others. It's who I am. I'm a goofball and facebook is sometimes a platform to convey that.  I hearken back to the days of dating my ex when she said "some of your FB posts are inappropriate and people may take them seriously".  Really?  they do?  When i put "my finger smells like my nose", someone really takes that to heart?   If so, I'm sorry.  People use FB for many things.  Some tell you they just ate a sandwich, some posts let others know a person is sick, pregnant, no longer pregnant or pissed off at Sarah for watching HoneyBooBoo without her.  If you want to get sympathy, solace or feel the need to get your feelings out with a post like "My heart is empty and my eyes won't stop raining", do it.  If you want to post about how you farted in an elevator and your boss liked it and began flirting, awesome.  I'll "like" either of your posts.  

5.  Don Jon Upgrade
-We have curling irons that can also brush your hair, we have cars that can parallel park and for that matter, drive for you and recently we had a man skydive from space and LIVED.  Why can't we upgrade the Don Johns of the world?   There's gotta be a way to improve the quality and design of them.  I understand some of it is necessity and cost effective but what about a real mirror?  Not a glass one but at least one that isn't a fun house mirror.  And how about water that doesn't stain your arm when you drop your phone?   .  

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Twinkie Love

I'd like to take a moment to honor one of the greatest American snack cakes in the world.  Yes that's right people.  I'm talking about the Twinkie!   According to Wikipedia, it's marketed as the "golden sponge cake with cream filling".  Wikipedia also states that the Twinkie was born in 1930 in Schiller Park, Illinois.  I don't care where those beautiful babies were "born".  I love them.  Always have.   The little fat boy in me once crushed a box of them in one day.  That's right.  ONE DAY.

I mean in the pantheon of snack cakes, the Twinkie may not be your first choice but in my mind, it's the only choice.  Ho-ho's are nice.   The Nutty bars are excellent.   Even the original Hostess cupcakes are lovely but the Twinkie?  It's Americana baby!   Find me one person who hasn't tried a twinkie and I'll find you a midget who won a high jump contest.  There's apple pie, baseball, obesity and the twinkie.  

Don't worry about the fact that ingredients found in the twinkie are mostly preservatives and that some of those preservatives can only be mined from the earth.  Yes I said MINED.   Here is a link to a book that explains this all.  http://www.twinkiedeconstructed.com/Twinkiewebsite/Welcome.html   
I don't care what its made of. I love them.  They aren't healthy or good for me but they are there for me and would survive a nuclear explosion.  

And they actually inspired "The Twinkie Defense" by which the accused claimed that eating a lot of junk food i.e. twinkies caused temporary insanity.  They have never made me crazy but when I was much younger (34 or 35?), I did open a box of them at a local 7-11 and began to enjoy one of them in the aisle while wearing a midriff.   Alcohol is to blame for most of that night but the midriff is probably a result of a deep seeded love for Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island.  Err...uh.  Moving on.

 By the way, have i told how much i love to blog?   I love that I can type about twinkies and someone out there will know my feelings about them by day's end.  That is if they got this far.

The Last Girl Scout...

Been a while since I last wrote a blog and I figured why not pick a topic that is both relative to all of us and currently in our sights.   That's right.  I'm talking about girl scouts.  More importantly, the cookies these little ladies sell.  We all know them.  We've all had them.  Some more than others.   That's where I fall.  I'm the guy with no kids (that I'm aware of) who buys boxes and boxes of them.  I usually buy them from neighbors, friends or ladies I work with who sell them for their kids.   I'm told that it helps to raise funds for activities, the troops and other things.   I firmly believe this and I know the intentions are pure and true.  That is until I had this dream last night.  If the dream had a title, it would be "The Last Girl Scout" 

It was a foggy night and I was heading to Giant to buy deodorant.  I'd say it was maybe midnight or so.  As I walked to the entrance, there stood the girl scouts at their table which in the dream was more like a judge's bench.  I remember giving them a quick glance but kept walking.  That was probably because in this dream, I was wearing swimming trunks, flip flops and a turtleneck.  Maybe it was embarrassment or the temperature but I remember a quick glance and then darting to the door which of course was running from me while i ran towards it.   One girl scout who seemed much bigger and much too old to be in the girl scouts shouted at me.  It was garbled but sounded like "Be a man.  Buy some cookies.  Looks like you have been for years anyway."   I ignored her observations and reached the door.  The store was a haze and I remember buying milk, fruity pebbles, a toilet scrubber and D batteries.  When I come out, it's still dark and now it's raining.  The table full of girl scouts are gone but one remains.  The more mature and possibly mutant girl scout stood ominously in front of me.   She seemed larger than when i first entered the store.  This is when things took a nightmarish turn.

She loomed large and all I could think to do was run like a frightened jackrabbit.  I tried to run around her but her arm extended much like Inspector Gadget's and clotheslined me.   I hit the ground hard and my milk soiled my turtleneck which had now become a Member's only jacket.  I got up quickly and started running for what seemed like miles.   I am almost to my car when I am struck in the back of the head with a box of Samoas.  They weren't your normal weight of course.  In the dream, they resembled a brick.   The blow to the head took me off my feet and I ended up in a bush filled with butterscotch.   I could hear loud footsteps coming towards me and I could make out a large figure through the shrubs.  I could see her taking something off..perhaps her sash.   She started swinging it and it hit my bush and I flew into what must have been the unknown.  That is when I woke up. 

I have tried to collect the details all day.  That's what I came up with.  It's 100% true and I am hoping it makes you think about buying cookies when you see them outside of Giant, the Post Office or any establishment.  On the outside, they are the cute adorable kids supporting a cause.   On the inside, there is possibly a more sinister and darker agenda being performed.  I've seen it!  I saw it in her eyes last night!  It's pure evil and it's out there.   Just buy a box.   Samoas, Tag a longs, Thin Mints or even those new nasty ones.  Do it before she comes for you.   Don't make the Last Girl Scout become legend!